It's Steve (now in blog form)

Ben and I watch a lot of PBS these days. I’ve come to the conclusion that most of the characters are designed to get kids comfortable with folks with severe personality disorders. A few of my favorites:

The Man in the Big Yellow Hat – The Man in the Big Yellow Hat is a tough one. My first assumption was that he has severe OCD. Everything I own has to be yellow or I’ll die. I have to wash my monkey eight times a day! etc. But OCD doesn’t explain the awesome New York penthouse, country house, or obvious lack of a regular job. I suspect that the MBYH is actually a NY boy toy for the theatrical crowd. It certainly explains his lifestyle, as well as the skin tight monochromatic threads and exotic pet. I love you, Andrew Lloyd Weber…

The Count – Now this guy definitely has OCD. I am counting the grains of sand on this beach. Ha ha ha ha It can’t be easy to fit into Sesame Street dressed like a pimp with that sort of rampant compulsion. Ten! Ten socially awkward situations! ha ha ha ha

Cookie Monster – It’s good that kids are getting prepared to run into heroin addicts on the street. What I like is when he actually gets the cookie, there is a brief moment of triumph followed by obvious self-loathing and remorse for what he’s become. Ride the dragon, Cookie Monster.

Thomas The Tank Engine – I can’t explain it, but these freakin’ trains just creep me out. If you’re going to anthropomorphize something, do it right. These are just animated enough to highlight how dead they are behind the eyes. Bad bad bad

Mickey Mouse – Sociopath to the core. He’s compelled to lie and self-aggrandize for no good reason. Why do you think everything in the world is in the shape of his head? He’s maniacally insane and driven to a single end of getting you to buy merchandise. He doesn’t really love you, no matter what he tells you to try and get you into the clubhouse.

Bob the Builder – The show isn’t very entertaining, but the message is pretty stable. Most of his dilemmas involve wanting to be a better craftsman. Sure, the fact that his equipment talks to him is a pretty clear indication of either dementia or meth abuse, a common affliction of the modern construction worker, but Bob isn’t a bad guy. Bravo, Bob.

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