This is a poodle running amok in the park flaunting his ass-less chaps. Disgraceful. (Note: It was pointed out to me that if chaps had an ass they would be pants.  While I understand this, ass-less chaps is fun to say).

Let’s all take a moment to contemplate the meaning of this sign. “In stock now! SQUIRREL UNDERPANTS.”  Were they previously unavailable?  Is it important for the squirrel to conceal his shameful swimsuit region?  Why the hell is the frog so happy about this?  

Forget the threat of gay marriage people.  There is a war against traditional, wholesome Christian values in this country and the front lines are manned by the animal lingerie peddlers.  Do you want your children growing up in an America where goats and ducks sport tasteful lacy panties with tiny bows and a little lace round the leg to accentuate curve of the hip?!?  I didn’t think so.  Feel free to write you congressman or local conservative AM talk radio host.  Spread the word!

I was cruising through a normal residential neighborhood when I spotted this.

That’s right, another yard overrun by a full sized plastic cow.  This can only mean one thing: there’s a plastic cow hive somewhere in West LA.  Try to stay calm.  In the event you should encounter a free range plastic cow:

• Verify that the cow is indeed plastic.  This can be tested by striking the cow repeatedly in the skull with a hammer.  If your karma is irrevocably ruined, then the cow was not plastic.
• Do not approach the plastic cow.
• Flag down the nearest plastic rancher or cowboy.
• Do not invite them into your yard or house (standard vampire rules apply).
• Do not attempt to eat the plastic cow.

Hopefully we will be able to locate the queen and squelch this menace before it’s too late.

A while back I covered a man with his britches full of monkeys.  Now we’ve got pigeons.  Wow.

Australian man caught with pigeons in trousers
MELBOURNE (AFP) – An Australian man was caught with two live pigeons stuffed in his trousers as he got off a flight from the Middle East, authorities said Tuesday.  [read full story]

This makes me unbelievably happy/jealous.

The cow goes moo.  The pig goes oink.  The giraffe goes “This pent up existence, although nutritionally stable and predator free, is no substitute for the endless vistas of the savannah.  Oh how I long for the taste of the mighty acacia once again on my lips or the feel of the wind as it ripples through the seas of long grass.  Alright, time to poop for the tourists.”

This house is just down the street from me and it’s making me crazy.  I’m waking up in the middle of the night thinking about this house and it’s cow.  Why does he have a full size fake cow on his roof?  What does it mean? Where can I get one of these?  I know, deep in my heart, that it won’t be long before I have to bang on his door and get some answers.

The bad- I came across this in the grocery store a couple of days ago (yeah, I take my camera everywhere now).  Just thinking about this stuff makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.  First, how lazy do you have to be for the standard mac and cheese recipe to be overly burdensome? Second, bacon flavoring? Take that, middle America.

The squirrelly- I’ve got squirrels in my trash can.  This is a combination of cute and horrifying.  It turns out that the squirrels in this part of LA carry the bubonic plague.  Stupid plague squirrels.

Happy Swedish River Otter

Reindeer are delicious- One of my goals on this trip was to pet a reindeer and then eat one.  It turns out that it’s way easier to eat one than find one to pet (Sure, they sell full reindeer pelts in the airport, but they’re not quite so cute when they’re dead).  Anyway, the restaurant we went to for reindeer was amazing.  Here are a few of the highlights.

These are onions flavored with tar. Yup, tar. Finnish cuisine seems to be mostly based on a dare.

This dish was aptly named “Hungry like the wolf”. Reindeer and moose meat abounded.

I met a Laplander

Windmills are cooler than I’d thought-  This is a Swedish windmill.  Check out the long stick out the back.  That’s a lever that let’s a couple of Swedes lift and rotate the entire structure when the wind shifts.  How cool is that?  Of course, it all comes in one box with a single hex wrench…

So, you come here often?- Icebreakers are neat.

Scandinavians have awesome signs- I imagine the months without any hint of the sun give you lots of time to label things thoroughly.

The Swedes have a nipple graveyard-  Like the majestic elephants wandering off to their mythic graveyard, Swedish nipples seem to have a mass grave of their own.  At first I thought this was just bright ribbon decorating the children’s petting zoo.  Nope, just a few thousand nipples strung together in a display that was simultaneously beautiful and filthy (sort of like Pamela Anderson).

Because Sweden isn’t cold enough for the Swedes- You would think living near the Arctic Circle would get you your fill of cold.  No, sir, not for our friends in Stockholm.  They’ve made a bar entirely out of ice.  And when I say bar, I mean the bar, the walls, the furniture, the glasses, everything.  The vodka was about the only thing not made of ice.  Did I mention we were drinking? We were drinking. Not that you could ever tell from these pics.

This pig has an unnecessary rectum- I’m all for realism in my sculpture, but geez.  This is from the Stockholm children’s zoo.  They grow up so fast in the north.

It make sense the rest of the world hates us- I completely get it why much of the world hates us.  If we’re going to try so hard to export our culture, shouldn’t we make sure it isn’t stupid first?

The unassisted poop- One of my fellow travelers (I won’t name names but his pic is right here) was having some troubles a few days into the trip moving things along, so to speak.  We believe it was a result of the reindeer.  Anyway, we visited the pharmacy to see if they had anything appropriate to help expedite things.  As I was getting into position to get a good pic of John looking highly uncomfortable I caught the greatest line of the whole field trip: “No, I want something that goes in my MOUTH!“  Thanks, sort-of-pretty-Swedish-pharmacist.  His reaction to your enema suggestion made my week.