Reindeer are tastey
I’m on the long flight back from my Nordic wanderings and thought I’d put down a few fun bits for you all. I didn’t get to see the Northern Lights unfortunately, the timing was just all wrong on this field trip. But I did end up going to Helsinki and Stockholm. That was a super cool expedition. Here’s the Cliff’s Notes version of my field trip.
Reindeer are delicious- One of my goals on this trip was to pet a reindeer and then eat one. It turns out that it’s way easier to eat one than find one to pet (Sure, they sell full reindeer pelts in the airport, but they’re not quite so cute when they’re dead). Anyway, the restaurant we went to for reindeer was amazing. Here are a few of the highlights.
These are onions flavored with tar. Yup, tar. Finnish cuisine seems to be mostly based on a dare.
This dish was aptly named “Hungry like the wolf”. Reindeer and moose meat abounded.
I met a Laplander
Windmills are cooler than I’d thought- This is a Swedish windmill. Check out the long stick out the back. That’s a lever that let’s a couple of Swedes lift and rotate the entire structure when the wind shifts. How cool is that? Of course, it all comes in one box with a single hex wrench…
So, you come here often?- Icebreakers are neat.
Scandinavians have awesome signs- I imagine the months without any hint of the sun give you lots of time to label things thoroughly.
The Swedes have a nipple graveyard- Like the majestic elephants wandering off to their mythic graveyard, Swedish nipples seem to have a mass grave of their own. At first I thought this was just bright ribbon decorating the children’s petting zoo. Nope, just a few thousand nipples strung together in a display that was simultaneously beautiful and filthy (sort of like Pamela Anderson).
Because Sweden isn’t cold enough for the Swedes- You would think living near the Arctic Circle would get you your fill of cold. No, sir, not for our friends in Stockholm. They’ve made a bar entirely out of ice. And when I say bar, I mean the bar, the walls, the furniture, the glasses, everything. The vodka was about the only thing not made of ice. Did I mention we were drinking? We were drinking. Not that you could ever tell from these pics.
This pig has an unnecessary rectum- I’m all for realism in my sculpture, but geez. This is from the Stockholm children’s zoo. They grow up so fast in the north.
It make sense the rest of the world hates us- I completely get it why much of the world hates us. If we’re going to try so hard to export our culture, shouldn’t we make sure it isn’t stupid first?
The unassisted poop- One of my fellow travelers (I won’t name names but his pic is right here) was having some troubles a few days into the trip moving things along, so to speak. We believe it was a result of the reindeer. Anyway, we visited the pharmacy to see if they had anything appropriate to help expedite things. As I was getting into position to get a good pic of John looking highly uncomfortable I caught the greatest line of the whole field trip: “No, I want something that goes in my MOUTH!“ Thanks, sort-of-pretty-Swedish-pharmacist. His reaction to your enema suggestion made my week.
